Job vacancies at CIA!

The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were
down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could
get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a
hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first
man, "We need to know that you will do whatever we say
regardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into this
room and kill your wife". A look of shock comes over the man's
face. He says, "I can't kill my wife. I just can't do it. I
guess I'm not the man for this job". "No, you're not", agree
the agents, "You're free to go".

They bring the second man to the door and say, "We need to know
that you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances.
Take this gun, go into this room and kill your wife". The man
takes the gun and goes into the room. The room is silent and
after five minutes the man opens the door, tears streaming down
his face. "I tried," he says, "but I just couldn't do it. I can't
kill my wife". The agents let him leave.

They bring the woman to the door and say, "We need to know that
you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances. Take
this gun, go into this room and kill your husband". She takes the
gun and before the door closes behind her, she shoots off all 13
rounds emptying the gun. The door closes behind her and for the
next five minutes the agents hear loud banging and grunting. The
door finally opens, revealing the sweat-drenched woman. She looks
at both agents, wipes her brow and says, "Whew! You guys didn't
tell me that the gun was filled with blanks - I had to beat him to
death with the chair!"
.....................................................................................................................................

FARTING AT THE TABLE

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.

"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was home free so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

....................................................................................................................................

Best Break-Up Letter Ever

Best Break-Up Letter EverA soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter fromhis girlfriend back home.
It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between usis just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice,since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love,
Becky

....... .......The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for anysnapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters orex-girlfriends.
In additionto the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the otherpictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:
Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I
can't quite remember who the hell you are.Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back tome.
Take Care,
Ricky

Valuable Info - General

Dear All,

Have U ever heard about LPG gas cylinder's expire

date. I also didn't

know.How to find LPG cylinder's expiry date ?

Very important information.

Most of us do not know this. I came to know today

from the gas

stockiest, because an accident occurred. Do you

know that there is an

expiry date (physical life) for LPG cylinders?

Expired Cylinders are not safe for use and may

cause accidents. In

this regard please be cautious at the time of

accepting any LPG

cylinder from the Vendor.

Here is how we can check the expiry of LPG

cylinders:

On one of three side stems of the cylinder, the

expiry date is coded

alpha

numerically as follows

A or B or C or D and some two digit number

following

this e.g. D06.

The alphabets stand for quarters -

A for March (First Qtr),

B for June (Second Qtr),

C for Sept (Third Qtr), &

D for December (FourthQtr).

The digits stand for the year till it is valid.

Hence D06 would mean December qtr of 2006.

Share this message with everyone you know, your

kind cooperation will

save the life of many people and create awareness

among the public.