3 Wishes

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog. The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband he richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world.

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

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SLIP OF TONGUE

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - -silence - -
HUSBAND: "oh shit"

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Her Diary......His Diary

HER DIARY

Sunday night I thought he was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched T.V.; he seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he got up and went to sleep on the sofa.

I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.

I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

Today, we lost the football match.

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The Difference in Conversation

TWO WOMEN TALKING:
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror.
                  I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but
                  I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you
                  could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I
                  was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my
                  longneck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything
                  to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your
                  shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms,
                  see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes
                  to fit me so much easier.



NOW TWO MEN TALKING

Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.

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HOW TO START A DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK?

1 . Open a new file in your PC .


2. Name it “Boss"

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4 . Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7 . Feel better?

HAVE A NICE DAY


P.S.-NEVER MISS 5 FUNNY PHOTOS POSTED TODAY PRIOR TO THIS POST
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MY NEXT POST WILL BE ON JOKES WHICH IS MORE THAN 100