WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?".

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair
beside him.

The husband continues...
"Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have gotten out today!!!!"

Good In Bed

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

"Yes, but are you good in bed?"

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

The 3 stooges

George Bush, Laura Bush and Dick Cheney where flying in a private jet when George says, "I can throw a $1,000 dollar bill out of the window and make 1 person happy today."

Laura said, "Well, I can throw 10 one hundred dollar bills out and make 10 people happy today."

Then Dick said, "I can throw out 100 ten dollar bills and make a hundred people happy."

The 2 pilots were listening to what they were saying and said, "HA! We got them beat cause we can throw all 3 of them out of the plane and make 54 million very happy today!"

NOT THIS TIME

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

Good bye, Mom ...

It looks like a sad story...but do continue reading to the end!.....Its?  a lesson to learn....... ......... ..

I was walking through the supermarket to pick up a few things when I noticed an old lady following me around.


Thinking nothing of it, I ignored her and continued on. Finally I went to the checkout line, but she got in front of me.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," I said to her, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mom?' It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," I said. An odd request, but no harm would come of it.

As the old woman was leaving, I called out, "Good Bye, Mom!"

As I stepped up to the checkout counter, I saw that my total was $1027.50.

"How can that be?" I asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.


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